Love means never having to say, "I need some privacy so I can poop."

When I was pregnant and visualizing what life would be like as a mother, I was worried about a lot of things. What childbirth would be like, would I poop on the delivery table, would I have to have a c-section, how I would survive at home the first few weeks basically not knowing whether anything I was doing was right or wrong. I knew things would change when Clara came. I knew that I would have to sacrifice a lot of things, like sleep, social life (ha), quiet time and freedom. What I didn't realize was that, between a baby and a dog and two cats, I would NEVER be alone in the bathroom again. Ever. 

Think about that for a second. Never before have I appreciated that alone time as much as I do now, because I rarely get it. Any time I need to use the bathroom at home, I have to turn it into a game. I find Clara and get her to chase me down the hall, which she loves doing. I get her to follow me to the bathroom so that I can pee and keep an eye on her. This means the door never closes. Usually I will be going to the bathroom and she will be wandering around in the bathroom, climbing into the shower stall or trying to climb up into my lap, or grabbing my glasses off the counter and making a run for it. Now that we have a dog, Ruby joins in. This morning they both were fighting over my glasses (DKNY makes some very durable frames, by the way). If Clara is asleep, Ruby whines at the door until I let her in, and then she just lies on my feet until I finish up, waits for me to flush, then drinks out of the toilet. If Ruby happens to be outside and Clara is asleep, Callie (one of the cats) comes in and sticks her paws under the door until I let her in, then she sits in the shower stall across from the toilet and just stares at me. Oh, what a glamorous life I lead. 

I really love being a mother, but if you ever want to be able to poop alone, you probably shouldn't have kids.  Or a dog. Or a cat. You should probably just live alone in the woods. But watch out for bears.