There was a time when I never thought I would be a mother. Ever. I went through a period of time (basically up until Eric proposed to me) where I was literally incapable of picturing myself getting married or having children. I guess I had been through so many failed relationships and played the dating game so long that I just assumed that would be my whole life. I wasn't in love with the idea but I had come to terms with it. Then I got married, shortly after that I found out I was pregnant and my whole world turned upside down in the best way possible.
I realize that it's annoying for people who haven't experienced something to read about other people spewing their personal experiences and gushing about how wonderful something is. Oooooh, marriage is soooooo greeeeeeeeat, being a mother is sooooooo amaaaaaaaaaazing! Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! I get it. It's annoying. So you might want to stop reading now.
No, seriously though, these admittedly wonderful things are not flawless. There are some women who appear to having everything all together. They are in great shape. Their houses are spotless. They wear clothing that is both classy and on trend. Their husbands have awesome jobs and college degrees. Their hair always looks like they just stepped out of a salon. Their child(ren) are adorable and also wearing trendy and adorable clothing. They have nap schedules down to a science. They never raise their voices. They are pissing me off.
Okay, these things are not what they seem. Even these stepford mothers have bad days. They might not broadcast them to the world, but they have bad days where their hair is flat, their kids get sick and barf all over their trendy clothes, they don't have the energy to scrapbook or cook dinner so they just order pizza and leave the dishes in the sink. It happens. They might not write blogs about it, but it happens. So stop getting down on yourself. K? Thanks.
I myself have many of these days. Granted I didn't start in the same scenario as described above.... I'm seriously overweight. My house is typically pretty trashed. I wear clothing that is usually found on clearance at Target or Lane Bryant. My husband has an awesome job and a college degree, but I have neither and it makes me feel inferior. My hair always looks like crap because I am perpetually growing it out or too lazy to style it. My child is definitely adorable and is usually wearing adorable clothing, but most of it is hand-me-down or bought from a used clothing store, and I often use her cute appearance as a reason why I don't have to try as hard on my own. We almost have naps down but for 9 months there were basically no naps, which is hellish. I raise my voice... um... a lot. Like... a lot. Not necessarily at my daughter, but just in general. At the cats, at other drivers, at the radio, at myself... yeah. I do not have it all "together".
Every time someone asks me what it's like to be a mom, I immediately think to myself, "I couldn't possibly describe it", so I just say, "It's the hardest and best thing I've ever done." Which is true. Clara is the most amazing thing I've ever done in my entire life. Granted she was an unexpected surprise (don't rely on birth control alone, friends), my pregnancy was kinda crappy and my birth experience was downright traumatic, I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. Even when she screams at me for hours because I can't figure out what will make her feel better. Even when she rips out chunks of my swiftly-graying hair. Even when she refuses to fall asleep without me rocking her for hours on end. Even when I think I'm going to go crazy and put my head through a window... the good moments (and there are hundreds of them every single day) make up for all the unpleasant ones, ten-fold.
If you are in the market for a child, I suggest taking your time. Live your life, experience all the things you want to experience like travel or daredevil kicks, anything that you can't see yourself doing while toting a kid around with you. Don't lose heart about falling in love, because I firmly believe that people who are wonderful together will always connect sooner or later. But if you want to be a mother... please, be a mother, and be a damn good one.
