Last Day Blues?

As I prepare for my maternity leave (which officially starts today at 4:45, woot!), I’m reflecting on my workplace with the same amount of nostalgia and disgust that someone would if they were leaving for good. I’m not leaving for good, unfortunately, because we really can’t afford for me to not be bringing in a mediocre paycheck, which makes me sad. But I like being able to afford satellite television and delicious snack food, so I put up with it. It can’t all be my husband’s responsibility, and I recognize that.


In any case, I was inspired to compile the following lists.


Things I will not miss about work:

-Working

-The lady who hacks up copious amounts of phlegm and lung tissue every 10 minutes

-Listening to the incompetent guy who was hired to replace me give incorrect instructions to coworkers

-Being woken up by people who are incapable of recognizing what a breakroom nap looks like

-The annoying, TMI lady who is always, always, always in the breakroom at the same time as me

-Pretending to be busy

-Getting contradicting instructions from my supervisor and lead

-Dealing with the stupidity of people I am forced to share existence with

-Using a public restroom that, more often than not, smells like the monkey house at Chicago's Brookfield Zoo


Things I will miss about work:

-A paycheck

-Having the opportunity to listen to music or audiobooks while getting paid

-Having a special drawer in my desk that is filled with snacks

-Some of the truly awesome people I get to work with

-Emailing snarky remarks to my sister and her co-worker

-Observing remarkable examples of human stupidity in the form of subscriber and doctor names

-Having air conditioning that I don’t pay for

-Vending machines. Seriously, when I have to drive to the store rather than walk down the hall to satisfy my chocolate cravings, life is going to seem so bleak.

-Unlimited access to office supplies. Sometimes you just need a Sharpie.

-Creating elaborate fictional stories about the co-workers I can’t stand

-Department potlucks

-Human interaction

I was just in the process of typing out that part of me really will miss coming to work and interacting with people (who, for the most part are very kind and supportive and make working for an insurance company more than tolerable), and then I received an email from my lead telling me I made a mistake on a claim that he personally walked me through. All feelings of nostalgia have flown out the window. Hulk Smash is back. So now I’m all pissed again, and thinking that 4:45 can’t come fast enough.